You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
