Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
