Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
