i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
