I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
