Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
