this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
