Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
