he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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