if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
