hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
