does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think brook has ever known best
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
