If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she told me i tasted like america
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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