My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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