the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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