I'm laying in your front yard are you home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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