you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
