your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
