i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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