If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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