please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
