Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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