She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
