you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
