i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
