he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
