I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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