can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
