ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
