My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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