sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
