y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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