batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
