I'm jealous of your bromance
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
