Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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