I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
