My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
