I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
