so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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