I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
