She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
