I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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