oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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