I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
