Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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