loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
