I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All the doctor said was why
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
