Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
