just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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