They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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