i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
