How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
