the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
